Written in Blood: Relaxation, here we come! Not. By Peter Tickler

 Trials and tribulations of a crime writer

I may have mentioned previously an old adage which I favour –

Take Every Opportunity that Comes Up. 

So, when I was asked to reprise a murder mystery play which I wrote and had performed in pre-Covid times, I accepted with barely a moment’s hesitation. After all I already had the script written, all the original cast were still living nearby, and besides it was for a children’s charity. How could I refuse, and what could possibly go wrong? Stupid question. Of my original 10 actors, only 3 were able to reprise their parts. Of those 3 remaining actors, 2 changed their minds a few days later.Of that one remaining actor (Inspector Kite – the key role), he soon afterwards ended up in hospital.

A problem is not a problem. It is an opportunity.

I think this an old adage – or if it isn’t, it should be. Anyway, opportunity was knocking, and so there began a round of anxious emails, frantic phone calls, and a certain amount of hair-tearing. The hair tearing got us nowhere, but slowly we roped together what turned out to be a very competent cast.We held a first rehearsal which went pretty well. I stood in as the constable because we hadn’t yet got anyone for that role, and at the end of it I was asked why I didn’t play the part in the real thing.Panic! I have a phobia of forgetting my lines. Maybe we could all perform with our scripts in-hand, I mildly suggested. That went down like the proverbial lead balloon! More panic!.Meanwhile to all of our relief, Inspector Kite was out of hospital (“phew”), but he decided that in the circumstances he would definitely have to pull out (not so “phew” for us, but he is a lot better now). More panic, all the obvious people we approached to play the Inspector were otherwise engaged. The excuses reasons were all too convincing: daughters to be married, the small matter of rehearsing Richard III in our lovely Unicorn Theatre.So, I turned to another old adage. 

If in doubt, cross your fingers!

Oddly enough, crossing my fingers worked pretty well. Just 5 days before the Big Day, a friend of a friend of a friend of someone I didn’t know came up with a person who was (a) able to do it, (b) expected no fee (which was lucky as we had a budget of £0.00) and (c) was used to acting in such murder mystery ventures.

“Phew, phew, phew!”

After that, it was all plain sailing - except for the fact that two of our actors got stranded on a Scottish island because the ferry had a problem with its lithium batteries, and they had to hire a boat to get them and their car back onto the mainland and then back down to Abingdon on Performance-Day minus 1.  The actual evening went very well. Of course, you remember me mentioning my phobia about forgetting my lines. Well, I forgot one line. Of course, every actor has forgotten lines in their career. So, I did what they doubtless do, and tried to ad-lib. No-one was fooled, but I did get a laugh! Or maybe that was the Inspector who suggested rather loudly that we get back to the script!

Ah well, after all the heart-ache, it was a lot of fun, and we raised over £1,000 for charity.
So, if anyone asks me to repeat the experience, I might be daft enough, after a long pause, to say “Yes”.