‘Actually, I’m a Murderer’ by Terry Deary

Published by Constable,
12 June 2025.
ISBN: 978-1-40872-010-3 (HB)

If you’re at all familiar with Terry Deary’s bestselling Horrible Histories series, it will come as no surprise that his first venture into adult crime fiction is not to be taken entirely seriously. The basic premise is simple: four people share a railway carriage late at night: a wealthy lawyer, a jobbing actor, a computer specialist and a self-confessed murderer. Twenty-four hours later, one is dead, one has turned blackmailer, one has been forced into criminality. And a very observant policewoman is watching them.

The story is told from the alternate points of view of two of the three survivors and the policewoman, so from the outset the reader is in possession of most of the facts – certainly of more than Aline, the policewoman, and a great deal more than PC Greatorex, her oafish beat partner. But Aline is thoughtful and perceptive and follows the evidence to work out what’s really happening; Greatorex makes his mind up first and asks questions, though not many, later. 

The result is a gentle send-up of the Sweeney-style police procedural (most of the action takes place in 1973), with heavy emphasis on the characters, who are all a little larger than life and straight out of Central Casting. There’s Delmont, the lawyer with all the trappings of dubiously acquired wealth – hand-made shoes, posh watch, silk shirt. Claire the computer specialist has the long blonde hair and perfect make-up which disguise a sharp and devious mind. Tony the actor is naive and self-centred, with a higher opinion of himself than his track record would support. And then there’s Mr Brown, assassin for hire, a methodical and careful man who would pass unnoticed in a crowd.

Aline and Greatorex are also typical of their kind: she, tall, fit, sharp-eyed and sharper-brained; he, overweight, neanderthal and tunnel-visioned, especially about women; this is 1973, after all. There are minor characters too, all of them instantly recognizable, and the locations are the kind which appear in many murder mysteries: the garage workshop which is far too well-equipped and doubles as a stolen goods depot, with appropriate denizens; the sleazy, poorly maintained house divided into flats; the bridge with a conveniently low parapet. There’s even a car chase of sorts.

None of this is detrimental to the story; in fact, it all forms a comfortable and familiar background to an  almost frustrating plotline, which gets the reader involved in solving the murders – oh yes, there’s more than one – and the other crimes which happen along the way; but Terry Deary is a dab hand with an unexpected twist, so not everything is quite as it seems. He’s already made his name and fortune as a children’s writer; on this showing, a whole new career lies ahead of him. 
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Reviewer: Lynne Patrick

Terry Deary is the author of 180 books in the UK (with about 550 more foreign editions) mainly for children and teenagers. His books are sold in 38 languages from Russia to Brazil, Scandinavia to China. He was born in Sunderland, England, in 1946 and now lives in County Durham, in the North-east of England. Terry is a former actor, theatre-director and museum manager. 

Lynne Patrick has been a writer ever since she could pick up a pen, and has enjoyed success with short stories, reviews and feature journalism, but never, alas, with a novel. She crossed to the dark side to become a publisher for a few years and is proud to have launched several careers which are now burgeoning. She lives in Oxfordshire in a house groaning with books, about half of them crime fiction.